Bleh.

Ehhhhhh, I'm no longer a fan. I mean, school was fun and all while the "I can make this interesting" attitude was there, but I mean - I keep getting called down to the office. There is nothing fundamentally wrong with playing football in the hallways or playing catch with rubber balls off the balcony. Nobody's ever taken a bouncy ball the the face and died, and if they have - I'm sorry that I'm not being sensitive to your needs, but then again... you couldn't really be reading this, could you? You'd be dead, right?

Been workin' a lot recently, but people keep coming in to visit - and that makes it suck alot less. Yesterday, there was this guy that I thought was a friend of mine (at least he looked like it from behind), so I ran up and you know - gave him a nice butt grab. Well, it turns out that it wasn't my friend at all - and the guy just like turned around and looked at me weird. Then, for the rest of the time he was in the store - he'd look at me real weird. I think he took the whole butt grab thing the wrong way.

I did have a miracle happen tho, I lost my keys that had my two computer jump drive deals on it. And since I had left it in computer class, I thought somebody fiended it - but today Michael walked up to me and hooked me back up. I could've washed his feet for him or something. Sadly, I do have to go back into the sweat shop from 5 to 9, but I'm free after and I so have tomorrow off and I definitely want to do something.

CS Deal

Yeah, so I have been getting into C.S. Lewis so freaking hardcore recently. The man was a genius and he's so relevant that it's mind blowing. I can't get my mind off of the basic idea behind this quote:

"...some way of embracing both alternatives can always be found; that mere development of adjustment or refinement will somehow turn evil into good without our being called on for a final and total rejection of anything we should like to retain. This belief I take to be a disastrous error."

I've been thinking about that all day now, and I've come to a few realizations about how I've been conducting the relationships that I have in my life. If I'm to fully pursue growth in a positive direction - I've really got to examine myself and what I'm doing to be sure that the path I'm on is the one in which I try to hold onto nothing of myself, give up my rights and let me be taken for the ride. Much like an old man says, "I have my rights just as you do, and I'm here only to do what's rightfully allowed to me." I was that way too, except I just didn't want to give up control of my life - any aspect of it, actually. Music, relationships, school, family, etc. And I still had the audacity to wonder why things kept going wrong. The honest truth is that I have no conception of what role I play in my life, others lives or in anything for that matter. The only way to truly act on my faith is to give up trying to take the lead and just get in the backseat to God.

Hammer and Sickle

Yeah, so school is officially just "one of them things..." Not too bad, definatley not too good - but I'll survive.

On the hunt for a car, and I'm going to look at like a late 80's Honda Accord w/ 200,000+ miles on it, but hey - it's only like $500.

I need your opinions on a splash page for my band's site; so just comment with your feedback.

SPLASH 1 // SPLASH 2

I'll hook ya up with a real post later - this one's just a quickie...

Homekizzle

I think I just may be tired enough to sleep through.... well, I don't really have an analogy - I'm just tired. Homecoming was a really good time; Drew, Kaela and Bobbi were awesome and I had a ton of fun. And, I was worried that - you know, I couldn't dance at all. Well, Drew took care of that. I mean, he's just so extroverted and energetic and the boy had no fear of dancing. Kaela too, she was right there with him. It took me a bit to warm up to it, but then it was awesome - and I'm sure I looked retarded, but I don't care. Dinner was real fun - thank you Tim for hooking me up with the tickets that I forgot and thank you Kaela for putting up with my driving, which was questionable at best a few times.

After HC, we went to Houndogs because that's what we had, you know, planned a few days ago. Well, we got there, sat down, ordered waters and then realized that none of us were hungry at all - so we just looked around, and left to go get smoothies at some Japanese place. They weren't bad, just a little different... Plus, Drew almost hit a curb and Kaela almost went into cardiac arrest because she was laughing at him. Then Drew had to be home, so he dropped Kaela and me back off at the car. Well that was at like 12:30 and I had a curfew of 4 am, so I didn't really want to go home right away. So, we drove around for like 2 hours talking about different aspects of life, and it was a real solid time. Then I started to realize that I couldn't exactly keep my eyes open very well, so I dropped Kaela off at home and then met up with Colin and Micah at Steak and Shake and we chilled and talked for a while. Overall, the night was a real real good time - and I mean, I just hope everyone else had as good time as well.

Well, with all that being said - I have to go get ready for work, and then head to CT tonight.

Shadows of What Will Never Last

Homecoming day. I must say, I'm rather excited, but it is a busy day.

Last night was JAWSOME with the band guys; we got our practice on for a solid 4 or 5 hours. Micah got his production on with our demos that we recorded, and our Purevolume and MySpace sites will be up soon. Granted the recordings are rough, made in Colin's basement over a crappy 2 channel USB input device. But, we'll get some better stuff soon.

We also got our design on and came down with a theme/identity for the band - it's gonna be mad hhhhard. Keep praying for us to keep this all Christ centered and I think we'll do well.

Emo day...

"This is how I feel, my God, from what's been dealt,
The flies that flutter flight tonight.
Is it love that I'm feeling or is this hate the same?
The emotion's enough to kill the sane..."
[Coheed]

Eeek. That's how I feel. That's creepy.

Not having a good day - but last night was fun, love you guys.
Today is dubbed; EMO DAY.

I suppose if you'd like to know, ask me about it sometime.

I don't need no ed-jew-ma-catin

Ya know, I've realized that I have these little weird quirky things that I always do and I just started to notice them this morning. I mean, right before I mouthwash - I always toast myself in the bathroom mirror, I have names for my shoes, when I eat dinner; it's always side dishes first and then the main dish and my food is soooo not allowed to touch the other stuff. Also, I refuse to write with a pen if the clip is broken off of it - it just ruins the pen (or pencil, I guess...). Also, if there's ever a little game in one of those ad banners on a website - I can't not play the game, but that does cause stupid pop-ups... And I just realized that that was the biggest waste of a paragraph ever...

Anywho, school wasn't bad today - I got my conversation on with some folks and it was fun and sitting with the juniors at lunch today (no off campus today, boooo) was actually not as bad as I thought it was going to be. I think I figured out that if I have a more positive outlook on things - they won't suck near as bad. So, if I'm every grumpy or in a bad mood or whatever, lay the smackdown on me and make me change my attitude. For example, I had to teach Mrs. Bailey's class today - and I was pissed. I mean, of course that would suck - but I just had a lot of fun with it and she got a little pissed but it all worked out ok.

I hate learning lessons that involve me and school, I mean - who learns from school?

I'm only chasing safety...

Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday. I wonder if there's anything special about Tuesdays. Not too bad of a day today. School wasn't too bad - Spanish was a killer, but when isn't it. The day got better as it went on, except for lunch. Work called me and I answered it because, you know - it's work and I'm at lunch. Well, Mr. Lee decided that he's gonna sprint across the lunchroom to commandeer my phone. Needless to say, he hung up on my boss and I was not feeling it - and I have to serve a Wednesday School (Westerville's equivalent of a Saturday School), but I fully intend on talking my way out of that one. But web class was a massive amount of fun today, and it definitely gets me through my days. I mean, I love you guys and I don't think Bailey will ever be the same after we're all done with her.

Work was really slow and I got my chat on with my co-workers, and it was a good change from the usual. And, the special edition of They're Only Chasing Safety came out today and I snagged a copy. I can't wait to watch 2 whole freakin' hours of Underoath DVD goodness. And homecoming is very soon - this Saturday to be exact, and I'm real excited. So, overall - thank you God for the break from the usual nonsense and for a restful day.

Not a bad day off

Well, I've realized that on a day off from work - I actually have to find something for myself to do; that's a real weird concept. Although, I did get my nap on - which definitely was a good change.

I had some real solid conversation deals on tonight; thank you much Koep, Jess and Kaela for listening to me complain. And sorry I ran away randomly from our conversation Kaela, but Colin out of nowhere knocked on my door and we got our conversation on for a few hours. I really love that boy, and I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with him (I'm not gay, I'm talking about music if it works out...). It'll be mad fun. And I finally got my stuff back for school, so that means I actually have to do my work now.

Still in the hunt for a car - keep prayin' for it.
Thank you all you CT people for making me feel so welcome, I love you guys already.

EMO JOKE TIME:

Q: How many emo kids does it take to change a light bulb?
A: 100. 1 to change the bulb and drop the old one and 99 to cut themselves with the pieces.

Hey, at least the pizza was good...

You know, there's nothing quite like an evening of exact opposites. Last night was real fun; like mad fun - a superhero fun, if you will. Cross Trainers was tight and mad challenging, and Josh did a BALLER job on drums last night; that kid's mad tight. And he's the only reason why I don't commit suicide each and every day in Spanish class. But then the night got sooooo not extreme. Got some calls from Linworth people that just found out that I had decided to change churches. That was sooooo not a time. I mean, nobody asked anything really - they just thought it was a rebuking time, and they didn't know what happened. Gossip is literally the worst damn thing ever created by our sinful nature. I hadn't even gotten a chance to talk to the guys in my small group, and people were (I assume...) coming to their own conclusions about me and basically just spreading whatever they could to whoever they could. I'm so disappointed, I can't put it into words. I thought people would have more respect then this, or at least if they heard other people talking about it to remind them that gossip is wrong and that they need to choose a new subject. But, thank God that Jess Andres was a voice of reason and helped raise my spirits last night.

Then Shayne, Emily, Emily's sister, J-Lo, TJ, Jess and I went to Houndogs for the best pizza ever, and we got our solid conversation on. Thanks guys for being non-stupid last night and not complaining about my massive level of drama. Plus, all of us rode in Emily's van - and that was hhhhard.

So, it's just a talk to people and attempt to clean up some of the crap that was thrown into this situation. Yeah, so uhhhh.... wish me mad luck.

You smiled in your sleep...

You ever get one of those times in your life where there's a band that just seems to write everything that you happen to be going through? Well that's how it's been for me and SILVERSTEIN lately. I just can't stop listening to them.

Work was long and stupid today, but breakfast with my coworkers was alot of fun, even though it was caused by a completly unessiscary staff meeting at 9am. I thank you guys for making work suck just a little bit less.

Heading out for CT, and I'm really looking forward to it. I can't wait to get adjusted and really make some new friends in this place. I'm real excited.

Glory be to God.

The man of 1,000 excuses

Man, practice today and yesterday was intense. We're attempting to record ourselves, not so others can hear or anything like that, but so we can have demos to practice with. Recording is one of the most aggravating things in the world, but we did cover some good ground. And we discovered how well Sean can sing, and that was definitely unexpected. So, now I'm just real excited - and I mean, I was afraid for a while. I wasn't really sure that we were going to work out as a band, but I've definitely gotten some positive reinforcement in the last few days.

Just makes me glad that my probable alternative to college is out there. It runs in my family that everyone is an engineer, you know that math related, desk job. That's just not me. I mean, that's all I wanted to do growing up thru 9th grade, and then things just changed. I don't know why, they just did. I don't want to lead the normal life, I don't want the normal job, I don't want the normal family... These last few months have really shaken up everything that I thought I was about. I've never thought so much about what to do when I grow up as I do right now. Honestly, it scares me; it scares me a lot. It's just real hard to give something like that up to God, I want to control that - I really do. But that's why my future's been freaking me out - because I'm trying to control it, and I'm screwing it up. I'm not gonna lie, I want to play music for the rest of my life. I just know that that may not be the most realistic expectation and that scares me. Music is my life; music is who I am - and I don't know how to be anything else.

I just feel like these lyrics really say what I'm feeling:

"All your hopes and dreams,
washing away silently.
Forget everything you taught me,
when I looked up to you...

Fall to your knees,
and give up your aspirations.
Falling to your knees

So how can you expect
me to just close my eyes
and forget your mistakes?
Defending you is getting
harder everyday, day...

I'm breaking down.
The ending's near,
the final call to make it through.
You'll choose,
try to relate, forget everything
you taught me
when I looked up to you...

I'll look inside myself for strength,
like a million times before...
You'll never let it in because,
I know you said
I know you said
I know, I know, I know, I know...

Fall, how can you let it go?
How can you be this way?
I'll never forget,
here I come from, where I've been...
I'll never become you..."

[SILVERSTEIN - Defend You]

Fall Out Hhhhhard

Holy crap, what a show. Well, the Fall Out Boy show tonight was honestly in my top 3 concerts of all time; here they are (in no particular order) - Yellowcard at Warped Tour 2 years ago, Kids in the Way at Newport like 2.5 years ago and then tonight. It was amazing and honestly gave me something to shoot for as far as our band goes. I mean, I don't want to sound like them or anything, but that energy and magnetism is addictive. They have an amazing stage presence.

Thank you much Bobbi for talking me into going, it was honestly amazing.

And, now that my ears are ringing - I'm gonna go read some Bibleo and hit the sack.

Have a pleasant eve, and this post would been longer - but I'm effing cashed.

I'm Dance, Dance-ing

Man, for being 17 and living with my parents - money is like being stupid. I mean, I've seriously gotta find a car soon becuase I hate being driven around, and I miss the freedom of just being able to leave and do what I want, when I want. Maybe God's trying to get me to realize that I need to spend some more time at home. I don't know.

At least Fall Out Boy is tonight... that should really help take my mind off of things. They weren't quite up to my standards at this summer's Warped Tour, but I'm excited that they'll do better this time around.

Anywho, I'm gonna go get some erronds done with mi madre, and I'll see ya after the concerto.